When I woke up yesterday morning, I didn't think I'd be washing blood out of my carpet and exorcising my house before it was even noon.
But I must admit that I had been wondering if, perhaps, my house was haunted by something that liked to cause trouble because so many things have gone wrong over the past couple of years .
I haven't written much about my problems on my blog because I don't think many people would be interested in reading about things like dodgy plumbing, electrical faults and minor accidents - problems that on their own would be nothing unusual. It is just that they seem to be happening on a regular basis.
I have blogged about a few of the bigger emergencies I have faced, such as a plague of slugs, my mum breaking her wrist and a rush to hospital late at night in the middle of a terrible storm.
One of the recent problems has been a plague of wasps in my house. There have been dozens of them in the bathroom every day and more in the kitchen, bedrooms and everywhere else.
Because I care for my elderly mum who has a heart condition, I decided to call someone in to get rid of the wasps. He arrived, climbed up into my loft and sprayed something over the wasp nest. He said that should do the trick.
I must admit I don't usually approve of using pesticides, but I really didn't want my mum to be hurt and a wasp sting could be very dangerous for her.
Unfortunately, that didn't get rid of the wasps. A couple of weeks later there were still dozens of very alive wasps buzzing around my rooms every day.
So, I called the man back. When he was climbing up into the loft, the ladder collapsed. He fell to the ground; the ladder fell on top of him; and there was blood everywhere.
After I had made sure he got to A&E safely, I decided I needed to get to the root of the problem.
If, perhaps, all these accidents, illnesses and plagues of pests weren't entirely a natural coincidence, then I could do something about it. My more sceptical friends may think I am imagining things, but I do believe that ghosts, malignant spirits and mischievous entities can cause problems for the living. The way to solve such problems is to exorcise them.
It isn't the first time I have done an exorcism. Back when I was at university I helped a friend by banishing something unpleasant from her college room.
But, on the other hand, I'm hardly a seasoned exorcist. This was only the second time I had tried it.
Nevertheless, I felt a lot more confident than the first time round. After all, I've got a lot more knowledge than I had back then and I can now think of several ways to do an exorcism or to cleanse a house. For example, I could sprinkle salt water around the place, I could use a smudge stick or I could perform a ceremonial banishing ritual. What I decided to do was use a bell.
My reason for this was that, many years ago, a witch I respect a lot had told me she had sensed some unwanted spirits in her house. She had got rid of them by going from room to room and ringing a bell three times in each. If the bell didn't ring a completely clear note on the third ring, she repeated it. It seemed simple enough, so I gave it a go.
I didn't just ring the bell though. I felt I wanted to say some words too: "Be gone from my house malignant spirits and creatures of mischief. Be gone!" That sounded appropriate, I thought.
I took a few deep breaths before starting, then went around to each room in turn saying the words with as much intent as I could muster and ringing the bell - and I did feel the atmosphere clearing as I did it.
Hopefully, it will do the trick. I certainly don't want to have to scrub any more blood out of my carpets or rush anyone else to A&E.
Smudge Stick Variety Pack 5