The Bad Witch's guide to Pagan Man

While you are out and about enjoying festivals and rituals, here is a guide to spotting some of the common species of pagan man:

The Horny Old Goat
A common species. Usually has a goatee beard, is middle aged and will home in on any lone female. The Horny Old Goat is not known for being choosy - do not encourage his attention unless you aren’t either.

The Great Magickian
May also have a goatee beard and almost certainly wearing black. The Great Magickian can often be seen checking that he still has a reflection. If you engage him in conversation he will be delighted to tell you what is wrong with the event taking place. If you are young and attractive he may invite you for private lessons in The One True Way. Be warned, he is talking out if his arcanum…

The Pagan Nerd
Usually wears T-shirts advertising some long-defunct pagan group or little-known folk band. The Pagan Nerd has an encyclopaedic knowledge of all things mythological and occult. But if he brags about the size of his Golden Bough, he is probably just talking about his occult library.

Pagan and ProudKnowing he looks gorgeous, this species loves to go skyclad as a chance to show off his pumped-up body. Only date if you are more interested in his muscle than his mind.

Earth Mother’s Boy
He knows his place, and it is at your feet in worship. Do not expect him to have thoughts of his own or act on his own initiative. When you are tired of him following you around like a lost puppy, you might at least get him to do the housework.